Blogging Again!

Let the Blogging Begin!! .... Again!

After a long 9 month absence I come back with more inspiration and excited to continue blogging.... During this time that I was away my life changed drastically.  I became so lost in my emotions and it became impossible to deal with so much sadness in my life.... I disconnected myself from everything.  Dealing with a simple problem was a major task for me... I had no idea of how to control so much anger that had accumulated through out my life.  I felt angry with the whole world... yes including my children.

This dark and empty feeling was growing everyday and Depression became my nightmare..... I wanted to cuddle up in a corner and in darkness just fall asleep and hoping that the brightness of a new day would never wake me up.... but as the ray of the sun would wake me up every morning my anger and sadness grew stronger... the light of the day would just be a reminder of another miserable day of my mediocre life.

I remember crying myself to sleep every night and not knowing were this sadness was coming from....I found myself dwelling more and more on my past.... I started thinking of the times I was cheated on, humiliated and lied to....  and even though it had happened a long time ago , it felt as if it just had happened .... I would re live those moments in my mind and that was making my heart go numb... I felt I was incapable of feeling love or kindness again.... I was making my loved ones suffer with my isolation , but the ones that would suffer more were my children.  You know you have hit rock bottom when your own children are not motivation enough to stop wanting to die.... My life was a mess , my house was a mess, and as a mother I was useless!!

People on the outside thought of me as a strong woman raising 2 children on my own and with a nice long distance relationship with a wonderful man that loved me very much.... but little did they know that I was slowly drifting away due to a very severe depression... the only ones that knew were my children and my boyfriend that lived in another state.  I was  tired of pretending to be happy and I felt I was worth nothing.  I use to think that I would have been better off if I was never born.

 My desire to die grew stronger everyday.... If I could explain to you that awful feeling that would come over me ...that feeling of wanting to disappear , that feeling of emptiness and bitterness... I would sit there and think my children would be better off with out me..... I would constantly think of how I could hurt myself and just make all my pain go away... It was hard living with all those emotions for years and years.. I know there is a lot of different ways depression affects people... I felt like it was killing me slowly... emotionally and physically too.  I had a feeling of not belonging,  smiling became such a hard thing to do.... How could you smile when all you can think is how useless you are as a mother, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and human being.

What is your story?

As I sit here and think of what my next post should be ... I realize that I have not giving you guys a proper welcome to my blog.  I personally wanted to take some time to welcome each and everyone of you beautiful readers that take your time to come by and visit me here at ZulyMomma.  

As you can see I am a newbie when it comes to blogging... just getting my feet wet...and I have to admit that I am very pleased with the response... at first I was afraid , I did not know where to start... but when I started looking through so many different types of blogs I realized that each and everyone has a story to share.  A unique story that one way or another will reach out and touch someone.  

When I was offered the opportunity to start blogging I kind of laughed at the idea of someone like me, and when I say like me  I mean someone that always kept to herself and had an issue with letting people in... and God forbid I would ever share my feelings, that was something I was not ready to do.... but as I sat there and contemplated my life and every single minute that I have lived and what I have gone through... I came to the conclusion that no matter how bad my life has been... I had a story... and my story whether it is worst than others or not ... I know my story will touch someone.

Opening up a part of me that has been kept quiet for so long was a hard decision... but I know that I am not alone.. there are so many people out there that will relate.  

 As I begin to share and open up my life to everyone out there my hands start to shake just at the thought of sharing my life experiences and struggles... but I know that someone might read this and will relate somehow.  I have been a person that has been surrounded by such a wonderful family....lots of love and understanding...and I would have never imagined that I would end up becoming such a depressed individual that felt that she was all alone...even though she was surrounded by so many people.  I was blinded by that demon named .... Depression.

Dealing with depression is an ongoing battle... a battle that should never be fought alone.  As you visit my blog you will know more about all the life changing experiences that made me go deeper and deeper into an emotional roller coaster...An emotional roller coaster triggered by divorce, loss of job, cancer, obesity, poverty, suicidal thoughts and low self esteem.  I may not have riches or wealth, but I stand with my head held up high and proud to say that I am still standing despite all I have gone through.   

So I wanted to take the time to introduce myself to all of you..... and the person that you will see in the following video is someone that may not be a famous person or may not have a great story to tell..... she is simply a survivor! 

I hope you continue to visit my blog.... we all have a story ... what is yours?

With lots of love,

ZulyMomma

  

Easy Tiramisu Recipe- Egg and Alcohol Free

Tiramisu Recipes can be found all over the internet... but as a mother of two children I look for recipes that are fast and easy, and also very affordable.  I was very happy to find this great recipe of one of my favorite desserts...Tiramisu!!!   I use to enjoy  this dessert, until one day I realized that it was made with raw eggs!!    So I can't begin to express how excited I was when I found this recipe for this great dessert without the eggs...and without the alcohol.  I will share this recipe and give you different variations so you can make this for your family...the best thing is that it has no alcohol and of course no raw eggs!!!!  Yaaaay!! my favorite part.. :)   Ok here we go, it is so easy and so delicious that I know this will become one of your favorite desserts to make for special occasions, parties, get together, and "just because" kind of day..... 

Ok wait before we start ..here is a fun fact about what "Tiramisu" means .... Well   Tiramisu (tirami sù) is an Italian dessert and the word means " pick me up".  Believe me this dessert will definitely be a great " pick me up"

This what you will need 

• 

  2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese ( make sure it is softened or room temperature, you will need 2 of the packages pictured above) 

  
  
  

  

  2/3 cup confectioners' sugar ( also known as powdered sugar)

  
  

  

  1 1/2 cup of your favorite coffeee or expresso (make sure it is not hot..needs to be cool, you can sweeten it to your liking , but if the less sweet it is the better)

  
  

  

  3 squares semi-sweet chocolate (grate each square seperately) 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  1 1/2 cup  heavy whipping cream

  

  2 (3 - 4 1/2 oz.) pkgs. ladyfingers

  

  1 tsp. vanilla extract

  

  unsweetened cocoa powder (to sprinkle over for garnishing)

    Preperation Instructions 

  
  

  You will need to make sure you have 2 big bowls, 1 medium bowl ready and a 7x11 inch dish (rectangle), rubber spatula, and whisks or electric beater. 

 On one of your big bowls you will beat the cream cheese, the sugar,  3 tablespoons of the coffee mixture ( don't add all of the coffee please ) vanilla, and only 2 of the already grated semi sweet chocolate squares... all of these ingredients are beat in one of your bowls..  when done beating and mixing you can set aside this bowl.  

In your second big mixing bowl beat the heavy whipping cream ...beat until it  peaks...or it looks like whipping cream..fluffy.  Once it gets to this point you will combine it with the cheese mixture you have set aside on your first mixing bowl... make sure you fold it into the mixture... don't beat it ...gently fold it into the first bowl with the cream cheese mixture...  

***folding is better with a rubber spatula ... and just bringing the spatula to the side of the bowl and then going in as if you were going to scoop it out but then you fold the ingredients on top of each other... make sure you fold the ingredients so it does not take the fluffy texture away... put mixture aside when done***

In your small bowl or rectangle container pour your liquid coffee, make sure it is not hot , this is very important ,   you then will get your lady fingers and individually soak each ladyfinger for 2 seconds on each side 4 secs total.. make sure you don't over soak them ok... we don't want them to be soggy... immediately after soaking one ladyfinger you will place it  in the 7x11 rectangle dish , creating a layer or bed of soaked ladyfingers,  continue to do so  until you completely cover the bottom of the dish.. 

Then you will add a layer of the cream mixture covering the ladyfingers,  you will then add another layer of soaked lady fingers , as if you were making a lasagna... keep layering ... your last layer should be of your cream mixture.  You then will sprinkle with the cocoa powder and the remaining grated chocolate square for garnish.  Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 6 hours before serving... this recipe is for about 16 medium servings. 

**** here is the great things about this recipe , it has so many variations..  instead of a rectangle dish you can use individual cups and layer them the same way.   You can use pound cake or angel cake if you like, instead of the ladyfingers... you can also use decaf coffee for you to soak the ladyfingers in.......  when you use cake for this recipe , please remember it needs to be cool, and not warm , or it will melt your cream mixture.... and don't soak the cake , you will drizzle the coffee mixture over the cake , with a spoon... if you soak it , you will make it soggy and it will break apart....  for children instead of coffee ... you can use chocolate milk or hot cocoa mix, but remember it needs to be cold...can't emphasize this enough***

I hope you enjoy this delicious recipe... be creative and I am sure you can come up with so many different ways of making this even better.... if you make it please let me know how it turns out... enjoy!!!!!